Better than you-tc ft. Brandy

Nowhere to go but you

If I could drown myself in jello

I Think I would
..i'll blog
well kinda...this songs been stuck in my had for the last 4 or 5 days? something like that

If she can block my jump shots
I can win in hopscotch
Well I can do it better
If he can be a track star
I can drive a race car
Well let me show you

Whatever I do do do
She said I can do it better than you you you
When I do it baby wanna try it too too too
He says I can do it better than
I can do it better than you

You can do it your way
I can do it mine
Whatever we do we gon' have a good time
If it's anything you can do
I can do it better than
I can do it better than you

...but i'm sleeping well again
On a night like tonight, I remember
How long I've been Chasing after that one star in the sky
Wandering alone on an empty street
Yet, I'll get nowhere cuz I never got back on my feet
I lean back and look up at that star
realizing I'm way to far
then my eyes widen as that star begins to fade
How stupid have I been?
Ignoring the other billion and fifteen
..what was the point of chasing after that star?
there are a billion other ones
but there's only one for me
No, she not in the sky
I just gotta close my eyes
and there she is...
Shining brighter than any star in the heavens above
If ever you question my feelings
place your hand on my heart, you'll feel it's beating for you
So i woke up in a daze
and my friend Sir Jeffery showed me his short story
...i gotta say it was a really good story

LIKE REALLY GOOD
and it inspired me to complete the 10 odd short stories I half started

so thank you Mr. Macarandang

It's like i was stabbed through my very soul
emotions mean less to me
and i realized something

sleep is for the losers who can't keep up with reality

..just another normal day
Standing on a dark road, staring at a shadowy man

the man stares you down

you turn your back and say, "Not today...Not ever..."

..Then you wake up
I'm Drifting away..Let it be


So... i realized that halfway through the post " ignore this...Its not even worth reading..seriously"

that i switched from saying "He" and "Him" to saying "Me" and "I"


...LOL
T__T
..even though it just started

I know i complain a lot here
get fucking used to it

can't wait till this week is over...then the next week... then i have a few days to relax

then

I can continue to kill myself slowly

....sweet
The man's So empty
and not even the age of twenty
Poppin' pills like a druggy, his mind's goin' all buggy
All alone in a human populace
Searching the world for something miraculous
not even a miracle can save him from the past
The cracks run to deep, there's no way he can run that fast
no chance to last, he won't even leave it up to fate
cause that boy will never stop and wait
his psyche so messed up, I'm surprised he can function
You take him for granted
Think he's fine?
No,not this time..
Drop clues here, and there
No one can put the pieces together, it's not even fair
I make it a challenge, my mind thinks in riddles
You won't understand, I'm stuck in the middle
A part of me clawing to the top, the other is starting to drop
..yea it's more fucked up than it sounds
To understand me you have to question my past, it's nothing profound
The chance of it happening again is very minimal they say
What perplexes them most is my age..yay
But, sadly that side is slowly taking over..no stopping it now...just gotta go out with a
Pow
I fucking give up

Karma..I thought you were fair but I was completly wrong
****
I'm suprised I'm awake.. I'm dead tired but I can't close my eyes
A friend of mine agrees
..Something is unsettling about tonight


:D

...
..they come back to hurt the teen

No you won't understand this.. Cause most of it is a blur even to me

He wanted to become a writer...
But all he wrote was a suicide note

So... i had a crazy idea
last night i couldn't sleep and i wasn't tired one bit, its like i drank 100 cups of coffee
..but not really
so yea, about that crazy idea
its not really crazy
its more like "I didn't think it through"

SO
I got back on mah sleepin pills :)
it knocked me out
but i guess i had a restless sleep cause
i woke up at like... 5 (I took them at 12:30ish)
well it wasn't a restless sleep... Stupid night terrors

I think i should stay awake forever just so i dont have to have them T__T

..fook
you're a fucking waste of air
go do something useful with your life
...you're a fucking idiot
go jump off a bridge
and survive so i can kick you in the nuts
and tell you how much you suck

Fuck you
Maybe I'm heading for a breakdown
And maybe that's ok
Could be I'm hanging on for dear life
Maybe I need to get a grip
Cause you're the only one
That makes me feel like this
So...
Save me I'm falling again
Keep me from breakin' in a million pieces
In the end no matter what I do
There's nowhere, nowhere to go

We meet again
Scene 1

-enter scene-

Chi:
What lies ahead is more scary than any dream...
and more real than any reality
..but only to me
The shadows of my mind are in control now
It has a firm grip on it now
I fear there's no way to get back
what should I do?
Stand my ground and hope
..fuck that

*collapse from mental strain*

-close curtain-
***
What do I do when the gates of hell open and I come face to face with my demons?

Well usually they don't phase me..like the ones that come up normally

Whenever I take my sleeping pills I get horribly violent and intense scary dreams..like ones that I can't even describe properly they are just fucked up to the max. And of course I mean fucked up scary not trippy fucked up

..obviously I'm ganna stop taking them now



It's funny,usually listening to Backstreet boys and music from glee lifts my mood slightly
..Not working today


Yesterday mah doctors [Family & Therapist(don't be so surprised,she does good work and I'm not hiding it no moar)] told me to take a year off from school and leave everything and behind and go somewhere to relax

..if only I could

If I had the chance I would go.. And not look back or say "good-bye"..well mainly because I said I wouldn't but even if I could I wouldn't >__>

..if only, if only


Look at the tittle..and if you don't get think harder or quit you idiot

So i realized how much of a disappointment I am to a lot of people
In the last four years I have been a total fail and such
and i haven't changed one bit
______________________________________________________________________
So far the worst week of school started from OK and went to D:

My negativeness will be my down fall

Fuck the world and all that inhabit it
T__T

*********
I never thought I would lose my mind..that I could control this.. [8]

..only two out of a million

"Everybody has big plans for me
..I think that's all people have"

Part 1

People who know me have heard me say that I would kill a man or hurt someone..
But at that point it was all talk

If you remember a few posts back..one titled "Mutiny in the family"
Well yea I found him
And I made him pay

It was at a famjam during the break..he was avoiding me for most of the evening he couldn't even state in my direction
..the fear pleased me
Well me and a bunch of other of my cousins were sitting around watching tv
And he came and set next to me
..then started talking about his snitching ways
His reasons were pointless and invalid
..so I snapped
I guess he thought sitting next to me when other people were around would make him safe
..fucking big mistake
I made him regret it.
I didn't say a word I just knocked him to the hardwood floor below(he has like 40 pounds on me and is taller than me so it wasn't easy). But he got up and came swinging
So I just ducked, and gave him a swift elbow strike to the stomach and kneed him in the face
..then proceded to kick his spine and face repeatedly till he couldn't take it anymore

"Harsh for just snitching" is what you may be thinking but there was more.. And for his sake I won't say what
But yea no one wanted to stop me cause they had no valid reason to do so
..besides that I was beating they're cousin,son and/or nephew
And I was smiling and didn't care
W.e he's lucky I stopped and only got away with a bruises, slight head trauma And minor blood loss
I enjoyed the out burst of anger..the fear in the eyes of an 18 year old boy
Is a site to see.
I don't care what people say..revenge is awesome

Part 2
Theres a cloud of constant thunder and confusion in my head..it's always been like that. My focus is on a hundred different people and things at the same time..I ask you not to worry cause it will do you no good. Theres something inside me that wants to escape.. But it doesn't how to get out and I don't know what it is
It could be good?
Or it could be bad?
Either way I'll go with it.. I have no choice I'll keep going till kills me from inside or till it destroys me from the outside
Implode Vs Explode
I Need something or someone to keep me focused cause I sure as hell don't do anything to benefit myself anymore
*********************
Rainbows and sunshine and happy thoughts



The first day back and my headaches returned

But I could take them while I was at school

..I guess it's a good thing but the pains a bitch

So they tell me that my headaches are the result of many years of being an overall bad person and bad son


SO... schools tomorrow
and
I really don't want to go back
like seriously... my break was good

well it wasn't good, i was just happy >__>

LAME


...oh also "Debskimister"
This year, my resolution is to never say goodbye

Saying goodbye implies there is a chance you will never see the person again

..actually I might say it to you if I don't like you :)

Cbox recommanded : ]