all day everyday...
and I think I'm just accepting it

is key

that's been echoing around in my head and heart...
I can't believe I was stupid enough to not... fml

I have been bottling up a lot of stress.. but i can never find the words to say anything to anyone about it
and plus it feels like there's no one to tell anything too

blogging helps a bit
but only lets a tiny bit of steam out.

its always gonna be about you because you are everything
but i always seem to think everything is about someone else..


but i hope its about me

why am i such a mess now

"Chi, if a girl wants to make something work; she will find a way. "


I didn't really have a response to that..

then..
there wouldn't be distance
I would hold you so close
never let you go
kiss you like I never have before
and say 3 words and nothing else.
I would never hold it against you
it's just not who I am
things would be different
but it wouldn't be bad
the door is open and I'm just waiting

in short:

I would take you back...





made me punch the wall and dent it
lmao
-________-

it's been at a standstill for the last month
almost exactly a month

I gotta be persistent otherwise it won't work or that's how it seems =\

I gotta be persistent otherwise it won't work or that's how it seems =\

that u seem happier now

my fault
sorreh

I'm scratching myself in my sleep again
faaaaanfuckingtastic

everything is going wrong
and I don't see the beauty in things

I'm stuck.

I miss you
I love you
I hate you

it feels like I'm not even missed
but I guess that's better for you just bad for me

..that you reached out to me


I'm waiting.

Never stop writing
I dont know why i didn't listen

it shoulda been a happy day today

it's not 10:21 it's 2:21 am right now

I'm loosing you, doesn't feel like you try but I guess I can't really say anything cause well I'm a hypocrite and kind of a jerk a lot of the time yeah don't even know what my problem is anymore.. I guess I can't accept things cause I find them unacceptable. well whatever what I think doesn't mean anything anyway.
I hate when my brain randomly throbs in pain, it's like my brain is rejecting all my thoughts and emotions
I guess it's tired of me. I would be, I know a lot of other people are too.

someone made a good point a long time ago, "you need to have something to brag about to have an ego" and although I'm paraphrasing that it's kinda true. nothing then something then nothing. wow where is my brain taking me today.

I blame myself for this downward spiral, coulda prevented it but I guess I took things for granted and didn't try as hard as I know I shouldve. maybe it would be different...

I had a weird dream today I really hated it.. cause it's realistic, I guess it's like those bad dreams people get when they're upset or mad at someone they care about

working sucks, cause when I'm there I have to much time to think and I remember why I started working..

I don't like you brain.. well I do but I just don't like you that way.. you suck, you're the best, I can't really think without you though so I guess we're stuck together

I hate it when people dont get back to me about things..like seriously it's one thing to think about it.. and even forgetting is forgivable cause it's whatever but pretending to think about it or pretending to remember it is just..Wtf

eh im busy now.. and I guess it's a good thing, I'm better off with my own thoughts, It's easier to pull myself back to a rational and logical place, less emotions and more realism. That's who I was before

w.e no point in talking to myself it's like keeping a diary
bye brain, you can fuck around with my subconscious while I sleep and maybe forget
but you'll just wake me up in two hours
you started doing that again
not cool.

Night.

**possible typos






on one again
gotta keep myself from starting bad habbits again

yeah logic fail




I am THE island

so I'm left with nothing..
great

why do i fall in love with you everytime I see you

I miss you

Every day that goes by i worry more and more..

"no emotions no fear"

and that's what scares me about me


Wake up to the feeling of dread
Go to sleep to only emptiness
Life changes in a flash
It's like a dream first
then it's like half of you is dead
head filled with empty promises
The hard truth hurts
take one step out of bed
Nothing changes


you don't tell me straight up how you feel

fighting a war I can't beat..just push away

My name basically means fire or flame
and the one thing that relaxes and calms me down is water


mindblown.
If i knew i would never ask the question

silly chiraag..
I deserve some fair warning... like even if you dont care just out of respect or the past or w.e it would be nice
i hate that past tense word

and i hate how its already being used
You changed so fast... its ridiculous
i guess it makes sense its your choice
I lost my self esteem! why wouldn't I? If something stable leaves your life out of no where you break down

duh.

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